I love how the blue is
I love how camera could captures the image
I love how pictures recall my memories
I love how i put them in words


I will be tough.

if i ever fall, i will just fall right into your arm.

5 minutes break

I am a cold blood person. I love everything in bold colour. Not much of a colourful person. If you are in the same class with me, you will notice that my colour range is very limited. Guess it is just another side of me. While I am pile up with lots of work, I am taking a five minutes break blogging on my very stressful one week. Went back to Melaka last Monday, had fever for several days, its killing while I have classes up to 10 pm. Fortunately my brain doesnt really function well, nothing bothers me and I slept soundly in the class.

Finish the programming test last week, coming up with another engineering graphic project and 2 assignments. With another formal individual lab report and another lab report for bengkel, another assignment project for japanese class, I guess I have not much time left for another relaxation. I hate the system of quizzes and test every week, i dont mind two week once. But this is every week, and every week different subject, it seems like lecturers pakat together to give us one by one. You finish one today, you have to start to prepare for the next one in next minute, and with no extra time cause all your time will be pouring out for classes, busses and work. In the end of the day, you will get so much stress. And if you dont find a way to release stress, you might just get burst one day and everything screw up.

I found my way of releasing stress, where I am back to kl. But I dont seem to letting out most of it. For the next few weeks I dont think you will see me saying I am home, I am gonna stuck in Melaka till Hari Raya. That sounds so long to me while bulan puasa just started not long ago.

I am very tired today. I squezed my brain till it has empty brain juice. Everything is undone, unfinish, unpack, uncomplete, un-whatever you name it. I need to get out and take some fresh breath, maybe a lunch and talks about it, whine about it. I seriously need to find people to talk about it. Somehow, people I found is always not available. It hurts to be ignore, it hurts to be forgotten. But its just how life is. Sometimes if i give you a call it means I needed a talk, sometimes if i send you a message means I needed attention, sometimes if i dont say a word means I needed silent and your shoulder. I dont have much time to think what is considerate and what is not. I dont have the energy to tell you how much I needed a shoulder to lie on. I dont have much words to say how annoy I get when I am not being layan.

Not everyone at anytime is in a good mood. Not everyone at anytime can takes in everything. Not everyone at anytime can be considering. Not everyone at anytime can eat in so much. Not everyone at anytime can hold so much inside. Not everyone at anytime can not be angry. Not everyone at anytime put in whole efforts.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

In the end of the day, all you could do is just take a deep breath in and out and continue with your work.

I am not like any other girl you see. Perhaps, slightly different, some similarities. I can be tough, be independent in your eyes, in a relationship I mean. But sometimes it did drives me crazy when I am really out of my mind. Like girls always said, we need a little bit more attention, we need little more pamper, we need little bit more text-ing, we need little bit more of this and that. Or, we want to talk to you about or problem, we want someone to share how we feel, we want someone to be here, we want a shoulder for us to lie on, and etc. Girls are always girls, boys are always boys.

If you give in a bit, she takes a bit; She gives in bit, you take a bit. Its all the matter of gives and takes, and how much you guys communicate. How much you guys actually know whats the best for each other, how much you guys understand and knowing how to act. Okay, it might sound so easy to say, so hard to do. Yes I agree, but if you just keeping yourself in your shell and not knowing the key of being your real self you will surfer.

Its just my points of view, its just how I look into problems of a couple, its just what i feel like typing. Someone said I have been getting too much of shit throughout the whole process, but I dont feel it that way. Not even a single bit of regret. It takes time to know who I am, it takes time to know what I am feeling for you, even for a friend, a goodfriend, or a girlfriend. Its not shit that I take all this while, but the real you and its love I called. Dont ask me to leave for someone better, dont even doubt if I would leave for someone better. I know what I want, and I know what I am experiencing, I know what I have.

And I know what I love.


it was so cute of you when you so angry about me getting upset over something that i not suppose to.
it was so cute of you when you tried so hard to find out whats in my mind and how much it bothers me and it bothers you at the same time. you face tells everything.
it was so cute of you when you tried to give me the chance during pool.
it was so cute of you when you come and kiss my forehead everytime you finish your round.
it was so cute of you posing so gaya and i just fall in love the way you look.
it was so cute of me now looking through the small details. =)



=) Its a sunny sunday!

Like how much you put in,
how much you weight and stand,
how much you want it to be.
Its never enough, like you never know the limits.
Like you never see whats going on in your mind, or the picture you see now.
And when you found everything is alright, its gonna be alright.
Maybe you might not get what I mean, and somehow me too.

It just a blink of blurness, jealousy rise on the moon.

I am home. =D

With tandoori and burung puyuh in my mouth. =)



I am just being the random me and get home to hug people I miss.
=D

The malay girl is back. Do i look malay? I dont get why people say I look malay, yea maybe when I wear my very white baju kurung. Its so suci yea. Haha. Funny. This was a picture I took in the morning. =D And now I have another 2 hours before the next class. Tomorrow is another sleeping morning for me. I am happy.

BUT..
I failed the test, quiz. Literally mental broken. =(
Spent few days to do revision and read through it. Got nothing in return. =/

Bah, forget about it.

Another mid term next week.
Programming test at night in the kompleks sukan. Crazy yea? on thursday maybe.
Math test still on its way. first week of sept should be.
Lab report lab report lab report lab report.




this is my partner in crime. we do random things together and she is training me to speak well in mandarin.

Ayuma the camera shy *just for today*. Her broadband is my supply to online now. =)

Am, the middle. She is the ketua of the big big group. she just got her sakit pinggan due to MTV STAGE. haha.



We Love Sushi.


Pooooooohhhhhh love pink icecream. You so gay! =P

Baby cat jump on the table and dig her own food.

My usual routine, feed the cat with my unfinish pack of food. =D

She only choose those with sauce, white rice she says no.


Do you know which is mine? *clue, mine neated. =P

I burnt my hand. Dont do welding if you scare your hand kena burn. =( painful.

This is only one of the machines that I have to deal with. Another one week to go.













Okay people. I need to go class now. See ya.

有人说爱情就像在捡石头，
总想捡到一个适合自己的，
但是你又如何知道什么时候能够捡到呢？
*她适合你，那你又适合她吗?
其实，爱情就像磨石子一样，
或许刚捡到的时候，你不是那么的满意，
但是记住人是有弹性的，
很多事情是可以改变的，
只要你有心、有勇气，
与其到处去捡未知的石头，
还不如好好的将自己已经拥有的石头磨亮磨.

Hahahaha.
She is still the silly girl you guys know. =)

This week is been a hard week for me, though it ends really fast and its already saturday's 1.13am. I just finish my assignment. and more to come. i started to feel the stress and pressure weeks ago, and now i can feel the negative signs. as the quizzes that we took this week wasnt that satisfying. i failed my quizzes. so yea, my next week is gonna be due dates for all the assignments and exam week. imagine that i have classes to attend till 7pm, and i waste so much time on busses, and i only get about 3/4 hours to sleep, i need some entertainment to myself. I feel the stress and the lifestyle in Uni.

in uni, everything independent, even if you ask a question, in the end of the day, you will get it from only yourself. and i hate electronic and electric. i dont really love wearing that about 1.5kg safety boots walking about 1.5 km. i dont favour blur look tutor.

and guess what!! I even skipped the outing to jonker street! see! how stress I am, and how tired how lazy I am that i skipped the only fun outing for the week! I am so hungry right now, theres no food except milo and some biscuit. but that has been my supply since end of june. i m sick of those.

I miss walking in the mall like nobodys business, i miss sleeping till 12 in the afternoon, i miss eating banana leave rice, i miss being lazy..

Its my mid term in 3 days time. I am stress up for that. since I didnt get my quizzess done. =(

japanese test on monday.
programming and lab test on tuesday.
electronic and electric test on wednesday.
engineering graphics complicated and big big assignments.
electronic and electric end sem project.
experimental method long long techinical report.
tiring safetyboots session with those big stone machines.
math test on its way.
math assignment due date is closer.

it can go on forever.



i m gonna hop around with the pinkies umbrella.
and laugh about how it got in between my legs.
the funny looking of the umbrella.
and people looking at me as if i m crazy but i dont care.

argh. im going crazy.

i need a shoulder for me to lye on.
i wish i can sleep for hours like how baby fall in sleep easily.
i wish..


the stars are in my room. =.=''

dont think that you know me so well
and i dont think i really need someone who wants to know me so much
and bringing me a fear
I dont think I am worth the time that you spent on me
Maybe a distance would be better for me and you
and I'm just not your cup of tea
I am sorry if I sound offended
But you scared me
I look up to myself, I walk straight like other centaur
and I dont like to be bother.

the picture was for the phone illustraction.
but by just looking at the pic, I miss the long fingers that I used to hold.

If only you could see my smile
If only you give me a peck on my cheek
If only you could hug me tight and tell me that everything is gonna okay.

and I will be strong.

I am not ready to go back to Nest. I have so much in mind, and I am not ready for anything. Too much running through my mind, too much to think about, too much that i cant speak it to anyone.

"Love is magical, it brings you a smile and it could make you cry whole day.
but no matter how it is, I know I will be here.
Just because you stole my heart.
If only you see I am always here, right here, in your heart.
like the man who cant be move. =)"

black face, sharp nose, thick lips, big teeth, big eyes, long eye lashes, curly thick hair, poky facial hair

yellow face, button nose, medium lips, average sized teeth, sepet eyes, short eye lashes, straight hair, smoothie face

You might see the different.
You might not.
But you never see what I see in him.
Nor what he see in me.
We dont share the same mind.
We dont look like an item.
We dont share the same interest.

But we knows
what we shares, from the bottom of our heart.

I dont need you to tell me whats good for me and whats bad for me.
I dont need a perfect boyfriend to shows me whats a perfect relationship is.
I dont need you to show me what I need.
All i want is, for you to understand why am i still here.

As i m bored.

Browsing through everyone's blog. Reading through articles. Trying on every test in facebook. Playing silly applications on facebook. Trying to message people that I dont talk for ages. Smsing chui yee every once a while.

I have this urge to post something about how i feel for that something. But I waited so long before I typed a word. It takes so long to find the proper sentence or appropriate word for it. I guess, its just hard. Different mind different perspective. And here, I am writing down my opinions.

What is its all about? Its all about communication, trust, love, understanding, accepting, giving in, taking it, be a part of it. The old same words for It. I dont really talk much about my relationship here till recently. Dont know which cell in my brain got activated and started pouring out what I feel.

Most of us have been through the ups and downs of It. Some happily over it, some cried for days and nights, some even lose faith in it. Isnt life is just so dramatic the way it is? Hehe. Is just how you take it and how much you squeeze every single cell in your brain.

My relationship is way extraordinary than the others, than what I see. Or maybe, its just normal for you guys. You say it. I call this an independent relationship. If you ask what is he doing I wouldnt know the exact answer though. Haha. It sounds funny right? I dont know, its just the way how we work things out. I am just a normal girl, with ups and downs feelings, sensitive, needed pamper, needed love, like most of the time. I guess its not easy when you get so emo and the one you needed is like not here for you. Most of the time, all the stupid things will just pop up. Questions like, why didnt he here for me? is he forgetting about me? what did he want me to feel? is he doesnt care? what has goes wrong? But when you take a sleep and bad times over, you wake up with a smile laughing at your silly thoughts. Looking through the sweet messages, thinking about how sensitive and over thinking a girl can be, can this ruin everything, its funny.

You guys cant blame this on the girls. We arent controlled by our brains, being logical nor rational, we are all made of hormones. =)

I am more open to my relationships topic. Chui yee and I came up to this conclusion, where all the indian boyfriends are constantly busy. Haha, thats the most funny conclusion ever. I talk about it with him, like how exactly I feel, especially when I was not in a good mood. Its hard to explain to a girl how busy a guy can be, especially when you dont see what he is doing and how he is as a person. Its all in the communication skill. Especially when I am away from him, thats all this growing up moment started.

But I am lucky. I have this boyfriend who like trust me for 100%, i guess he has no problem about me looking for another better guy in melaka. Haha, I guess he thinks his girlfriend isnt that attractive at all, or guys in melaka are idiots. Haha. So am I, I do trust him like 99%. There has to be 1% different. You know why? Because I am girl, girls are sensitive. Unchangeable. Haha. He is stuck with his all male classmates, his gay friends, and having me as a girlfriend, I dont think he can find anyone better. Haha, hey you just have to be confidence about yourself! If you lose confidence in yourself, how can you be attractive!? I have like over 100% confidence in me, haha, this indian boy just love a retarded giraffe. =D

I always have this feeling, like husband and wife. Husband outstation, wife waits at home. Nor wife outstation, husband waits at home. Or husband busy with business, wife stays at home. Nor wife busy with work, husband stays at home. Its like an old long family thing.

oh ya by the way, I found out who Misa Campo is. I found jealousy. My boyfriend constantly talks about her. hmmm.. go find your misa campo, dont find me. =/

for you.
=D

I am still the one you guys know. =)

Like the small kid of the group, sometimes the big kid. Tonight, I saw so many people in just few hours. Karmen, U song, Dinah, Vincent, Sharvin, Chen Seong, Ragu, Kavin, Jonard and him. Its like, wow, good for me. Since I will not know when I am gonna meet them again before I head home and when I coming back next. This is just the beginning of Uni life, theres more to come. Maybe not coming back as frequent as now, maybe yes. I dont know. =)

I miss highschool, I miss hanging out every night with my random people, I miss my talk against smoke and shisha and getting the boys' awkward stares, I miss sitting down in my hall at 3 am and just chatting online, I miss sitting in his car and go anywhere random on a weekend. Thats what makes KL different from Melaka. =P

I still have untouch assignment, screw it. I have more outings to come. =P

I am now nineteen, living in a 20 year-old life, no more sweet sixteen nor sexy seventeen, or even passing the so called legal age eighteen. I have graduate from highschool 3 years ago, finish my pre u/form 6 last year, got into Uni last month. Haha, everything seems like just fast forward. Oh friends, I really miss you guys. I make it sounds like I am not going to see you all. =/ With more surprise leaving plans from you guys, when is our next big big gathering where we wear our highschool uniform and play water balloon or jus spraying water in the big big basketball court? When are we going to sit at the stairs or slope and gossip like nobody's business? When are we going to buy mee soup or salty green mango during recess time?

I am going to miss Karmen. I miss sitting in her waja and just go makan with her.
I am missing Seow Feng. I miss the random thing we did in June.
I am going to miss Chui Yee. I miss just the way we can sit for hours and talk and talk.
I am going to miss Vincent. I miss how random he just sit in my house with a cup of vodka.
I am going to miss U song. I miss how ji mui he is when we online chatting.
I am going to miss my mum, dad, my pinky and choc.
I am going to miss him. i miss him. =.=''


I am the silly giraffe still.





































not forget to wish my mum..

Happy birthday miiiii. =D

At this point,
I feel good.
To be who I am, to feel what I have, what I see, what I understand.

Thank you for picking me up today.
You make me realize so much.
To see what I have not been seeing, to see what is the thing that I have convince myself all this while.
To feel what I should feel, to understand what I should understand.
To see you so tired, to see how much you wanna put in for your studies, to see you struggling through everything, to see how much you care for the people who mean so much to you, to see how much you take care of their feelings, to see how much you feel for them, to see how you let everyone take every piece in you, to see how you feel for things around you.
Thats some little things i love about you.
To love a person is not to change how he is, to love a person is not to change every little thing of him to fits your own specification needs.
I am not perfect.
Sometimes I get my nerve on, when you dont call, when you dont reply.
When I am down, this even pull me down down down down.
Sometimes I cant be rational and logical nor understanding.
Sometimes I am just not perfect like what you hope I could be.
But I will learn.
Not to be perfect.
But to be what I feel for you. To be how I should have be when I am logical and rational.
You know how much you mean to me, how much I feel for you.
I will always be here.
your retarded giraffe.

Since its been a month I was away from Kuala Lumpur, being alone in Melaka. It totally change my perspective on Melaka the historical town. A town which I used to visit quite often every year, but for now, I am kinda running away from it. Maybe its because of the area I stay. For some reason, I am very lucky to have a bunch of crazy friends who entertain me and keep me falling home sick. Since my uni is being quarantine for a week, here I am in Kuala Lumpur. With tons of work that I have not touch one yet, with next week exam and I have not touch the books. I guess I am just gonna do it later, yea later and later. I am home, I need some fun and some relax.

In this long one month, I kinda joined Tzu Chi, it taught me kinda a number of valuable lessons, brought me to another stage of teen life. Its not like other charity organization, nothing like Interact or Leo.

And I learn, relationship is not only bout holding hands nor talking on the phone for hours. Its all about trust and communication. Come to this topic, I always stuck with this sentence where I constantly cant contact my boyfriend. If you guys are close to me, you will know what I am talking about. Being far away from him and getting not contactable him its like a nightmare for me. Have you feel home sick and you wanted to find someone to share about it, you cant find anyone? That is sucky yea. But it helps me to be stronger and grow up.

But thinking about it, we both are 19 and 20. Both are still in studies, struggling through assignments, homework, exam, test or what so ever link to studies. Both have family, have house chores, my hostel activities. Both have different groups of friends, outings, activities. Both trying hard to be the top student of the class. We both are an individual before couple, and after couple, we are still individual. Come to this point, I realise, our relationship is way different from the others. Seeing the girls in my hostel, have phone talk for hours every night, messaging non stop. I dont have these always and it has been the topic for them. Sad. It hurts sometimes when I am not in the right mood, but sleep and wake up, realizing my relationship is just the way I love about it.

My boyfriend doesnt call if he has loads of work, assignments, test. And this can go on for days. If I tell you I am okay about it, very sure I am lying to you. Definitely I am not okay, especially I am still stuck in the home sick mood. How do I over come this? I wonder how, I wonder why I am so logical typing this. I am weird. I do my work, I stop staring into the phone, I get out from the room and go jogging, I do whatever that keeps me happy. And thinking about my boyfriend is working hard towards he future! Something to be proud of. And I am very sure, I always feel proud of my eggie head.

Distance relationship is not easy. But compare to others, I am way luckier than them. At least I see him min once a month, at least I am only two hours away from him.




Dear eggie boy,

If you are reading this, you must be laughing your head off why does your girlfriend so weird typing this down. I just got the urge to share how I feel about distance relationship suddenly. And how I feel for you, our love. At this age, we both are on our way pursuing good education, achieving the name of a degree course to get a secure life. But, holding your hand, I know we can go through the obstacles if we are strong enough, go through the challenges and smile for just what we are.

I am always here. With my retarded giraffe smile waiting for you. =D

lots of love,
giraffe.

She has an eye allergy. Dont be afraid if her eye balls' white part isnt pure white. I am under control for it, has to take in medicine, not rubbing my eyes, watch what I am eating. But it suck, I havent got my patch test to check out what I am allergy with. All I know, I have to check what food I take in and what makes my eye goes red and itchy the next second. If you see it, you might thought my eye got busuk. =(

you mean the world to me.
what if i cant see, will you be my walking stick for life?
what if i cant speak, will you tell the person in mirror how much i love him?
what if i cant show you how much you mean to me, can you look up to the sky..
its more than all the stars in the universe.

Hello Folks.

I am back for a week, as my uni got quarantine. I guess the news spread fast. =D
And i m asking people out before I go back to mlk. I am happy I m back in town. =D